<h1 class="post-title entry-title" style="text-align: center;">What About Long Term Committed Relationships?</h1>
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<p>One of the social models for success is the notion of long-term committed relationships. It is often sold to us as the only really worthwhile arrangement that can exist between men and women. Everything else, such as short-term flings, one night stands, and polyamory are frowned upon by many people. These people generally see these things as a waste of time and morally wrong. In their minds, anything which isn't 100% commitment should not be tolerated within a relationship.</p>
<h2>The Social Model Versus Reality: Why Commitment Should Be A Choice</h2>
<p>Now, as for things that are morally wrong, I am against stealing, killing, deception, manipulation, and greed to name a few. But where this definition becomes perverted is when people start justifying irrational selfish behaviour with stretches of moral reasoning. What's wrong with seeing more than one person at a time? What's wrong with having sex with more than one person at a time? What's wrong with not wanting to commit to only one person? The truth is that there's nothing wrong with these things. People naturally socialize with each other, and with socializing comes the possibility of something more, such as intimacy and sex. On the other hand, you have people who are committed to only one person, and are therefore off-limits sexually to anyone else. That's great if that's what you truly want. But not everyone wants that. Some people would be happier if they were sharing themselves with more than one person.</p>
<p>Understanding <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/the-problems-of-long-distance-relationships/" rel="dofollow">the problems of long distance relationships and how to solve them</a> reveals a fundamental truth: successful relationships aren't built on imposed structures, but on honest communication and aligned expectations. The same principle applies to any relationship model—whether traditional commitment or alternative arrangements—where both partners must openly discuss their needs and boundaries.</p>
<h2>The Selfishness Misconception: Questioning Imposed Moral Standards</h2>
<p>The naysayers would call this selfish and wanting your cake and eating it too. Why is that? Just because I don't want to be with just one person doesn't make me selfish. More than likely that person is being selfish for wanting me all to themselves. Even the times that I'm away from them they still have ownership over my actions. How ridiculous is that? This does not seem rational to me. But only with the standard and accepted social model do people think this way.</p>
<p>However, this reasoning doesn't apply to children. For example, what if a child complained that it's not fair that his brothers and sisters are getting attention too because he wants it all for himself? Would you take him seriously? I doubt it. If someone truly wants to be in a committed relationship there should be reasons for it other than looking out for number one. For example, if there are kids involved and they need attention and support that's a good reason right there. You should not be out meeting other people at the expense of not looking after your dependents. However, when there's an opening in your schedule, go ahead, meet other people. But if I have to commit just to make someone feel better and more secure then it's no-deal. Am I disrespecting that person? No. Not any more than a parent is disrespecting his child by giving his siblings love and attention too. But it appears some people can't grasp this because their all-or-nothing, black-and-white view of the world doesn't permit it.</p>
<p>But what if the person you are with gives you everything you want? It's possible, but it won't be true for everyone. It's likely that they can give me a lot of what I want, but there are other things which I must get elsewhere. And this might not have anything to do with them. What if no single person can give me what I want because what I want is to be with different people? Doesn't this mean the person you are with isn't good enough? Again, more stretching of morality. It's certainly possible that one person can make me very happy. But the problem isn't necessarily that they aren't making me happy. The problem is that I can't be with anyone else. I have to close myself off to new experiences just so I can hold on to my current experience. That might be okay for a while but after some time has passed I will start thinking that it's dumb to do that. Learning from <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/how-to-build-a-lasting-relationship-beyond-ideal-proposals/" rel="dofollow">how to build a lasting relationship beyond ideal proposals</a> teaches us that authentic relationships require partners to clarify their true needs and expectations rather than conforming to inherited relationship templates. When both people understand what they genuinely want, they can make informed decisions that serve their lives.</p>
<h2>Living Honestly: The Freedom Of Clear Communication And Boundaries</h2>
<p>I would be thinking, "You mean I can never spend romantic time with anyone else? Ever? Even when I'm away somewhere and no one would get hurt?" It's like saying I can never eat pizza again because it might hurt the feelings of the ice-cream man. You will eventually start resenting this restriction. These are considerations that must be addressed. But rather than address them head-on, many prefer to deal with the consequences. There are people who lie and cheat and say whatever they think they must say in order to satisfy expectations. It's like role playing, and each person is acting out a script that is imposed on them by society, and which doesn't necessarily come from their own ethical insight. But unlike actors, these people tend to get emotionally invested in their scripts, and are hurt as a result. How many so-called pristine arrangements end up in the gutter because of unrealistic expectations? Most people who adopt the social model for success end up unsuccessful.</p>
<p>It's much better to be honest upfront and say what you really want, no matter what it might be. "I want to be with you. But I also want the freedom to be with other people. And don't worry, I'll play safe." That's all you would need to say. If they balk, you can try convincing them but it's usually a waste of time. It's much better to find people who already think this way. Understanding <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/white-lies-and-well-being/" rel="dofollow">white lies and well being</a> reminds us that dishonesty in dating—whether silent withholding or active deception—erodes trust faster than any unconventional relationship arrangement ever could. The most ethical choice is honesty about what you're looking for and what you can offer.</p>
<h2>Screening For Compatibility: Building Relationships On Truth And Mutual Values</h2>
<p>By doing this you are screening out a lot of selfish people. And you are screening-in a lot of intelligent people who are in the habit of questioning things before reaching their own conclusions. These are the types of people worth being with. Not people who adopt societal standards without thinking for themselves. People who think independently and can question what they've been told will have better judgment and will be more likely to make better decisions about their relationships as well as other aspects of their lives.</p>
<p>The beauty of this approach is that you're no longer wasting time with people who cannot accept the terms of your life. You're building relationships with people who genuinely align with how you want to live. You attract people who value honesty over convention, who prioritize authentic connection over social appearances. These partnerships, whether monogamous or not, are far more likely to succeed because both parties entered with full transparency and mutual agreement.</p>
<p>The world is changing. More people are questioning the old models. More people are realizing that what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. And that's perfectly fine. The only real moral imperative is honesty—being truthful about what you want and respecting the choices of others. When both partners operate from this foundation, any relationship structure can work. When they don't, no amount of commitment or tradition can save it.</p>
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